Yep so, that happened.

So it's been another week of snow, ice, and cold. Typical Alberta winter and it's only going to get colder this week. The kids have been stuck inside except for the few reprieves when the dog desperately needed a walk or side walks needed shovelled. This means my adorable little toddlers turn into raging beasts who destroy everything and everyone that comes near them. By the time Saturday came the house was a disaster. Every toy out of place, every cupboard emptied, every drawer rifled through, and every closet open. I had been desperately trying to entertain the two wildebeests, we played hide and seek, dressed up for all kinds of adventures, dug through the depths of the craft cupboard, and built every puzzle, we even spent hours erecting gigantic lego villages.

Anyway, once Saturday arrived I found myself riddled with anxiety. I could not deal with the state of the house for another minute and cleaning with the beasts around was pointless (those with small children understand this struggle). I called in backup and arranged for the kids to be babysat that afternoon (perhaps all the way until much after their bedtimes). Until then we decided to get out of the house. We took a trip to the mall in search of new bedding. The kids were thrilled to be out and able to run around in the long, empty corridors of the old mall.

Things were going so well we even stopped at the little indoor play area. The beasts were released into their natural habitat of bright primary colours, foam play structures in odd shapes, and god knows what kind of germs. They played their hearts out for a good 45 minutes until Zoey fell off on of the play structures. She recovered after a quick cuddle and demanded to go back to playing. I was definitely alright with this decision and agreed without much convincing from her. Things continued well for the next 2 minutes until another mom piped up, "Um I think your baby is bleeding." Sure enough there was blood trickling down Zoey's chin, she was fine but we left. (Active bleeding around all those germs is definitely my line.) There was much whining from the kids so we decided to bribe them with a trip to the food court for burgers and fries.

We navigated the food court with minimal meltdowns and ordered A&W. I herded the tiny creatures towards a table at which point I discovered only green tables were acceptable to the larger beastie. Not a big problem as the mall was dead (seriously one of the older malls that is never busy). We found a table that had booth seating on one side, perfect since there were no high chairs. Shane brought the food over and we settled in to our greasy, foodcourt meal. Everyone was happy for a whole 10 seconds, that is when Zoey dropped her burger, patty down, on the floor. I picked it up, dusted it off, and didn't even hesitate to hand it back to her. (I know.... the germs! But she wanted it so badly and I wasn't paying for a whole new burger that she would only eat a few bites of.) It was at this precise moment that I caught the eyes of the elderly gentleman sitting at the table across from me, he had been smiling adoringly at the kids and his face immediately changed to a horrified grimace. I thought about trying to fix this, maybe take the burger back or at least rip of a piece that might of touched the floor, and then something happened. Mama's give a shit full on ran out. I made full eye contact with this guy and shrugged at him. Yep so, that happened.

Wacko in the Walmart parking lot

I have been putting off getting groceries all weekend and today was finally the day I couldn’t procrastinate any further. We were down to our last few diapers. So off to Walmart we went, just the beasties and me. We drove a little out of the way to get to the new Walmart, it’s less busy and feels cleaner. I found a great parking spot right in between the store enterance and cart corral. Luckily there was one of the carts with a baby seat right there. I wish they had the carts like Costco, the ones with two seats up in the front part but instead they have ones that have a little infant seat and a regular little seat beside it. Luckily Zoey is still small enough to fit in the infant seat (at almost two year old she is the size of most 1 year olds). Anyway we set up in the cart, I gave Isaac my phone and put on a video for both kids. Off we went.

The beginning went pretty well, produce aisle, bakery, deli area all conquered with no tantrums or tears from anyone. Cereal aisle a few whimpers started. Snack section and the meltdown started. We weren’t even halfway through! I attempted to appease the whining monsters with snacks and toys from the diaper bag but they would not accept my offerings. Finally I gave into their cries and pleas for the new minion fruit snacks in the cart. I ripped open the box and filed out a couple packages. The gremlins happily munched away and I finished the entire shopping trip! It is possible they are the entire box worth of snacks, but hey they grocery trip was mostly peaceful.

Feeling absolutely triumphant, I rode my high all the way out to the car. I loaded up the kids and grabbed a couple bags out of the cart... the back of the car wouldn’t open! The hatch was stuck. I put the bags back in the cart and tried again to open the hatch... nothing. I tried locking and unlocking the car... nothing. I pulled the hatch with both arms... nothing. I braced my legs against the bumper and reefed with all my might... nothing. I kicked the door... nothing. I gave up after a good twenty minutes of this nonsense. I loaded most of the groceries into the front passenger seat, a few on the floor under the kids car seats, and Isaac held a bag on his lap.

We made it! That is what counts!

Here comes the sun

It’s been a long, harsh, cold winter and the kids have cabin fever from being inside so much. Between hospitalization, doctor’s appointments, work schedules, family/social commitments, and plain old cold weather we haven’t been able to be outside nearly as much as we usually are. Both of my kids love being outside and are constantly trying to convince me that -40 isn’t too cold if we just put on our mitts and hats. I have never been an outdoorsy person and would be perfectly happy to never actually go outside. I love looking through the window at the fresh layer of snow while the fireplace roars beside me, or watching the rainstorm while I sit under a blanket reading a book, my absolute favourite is napping in that perfect patch of afternoon sunshine (yes I might be a cat). Anyway this is completely unacceptable to the two feral children that have taken up residence in my house and they demand outdoorsy type activities as much as physically possible, so in attempt to be a good motherly figure I have adapted and found ways to enjoy the outdoors. We spent some time making snowmen this winter, in the summer we blow up the backyard pool and have beach parties, we love to collect rock and leaves for crafts to be done later, and splashing in muddy puddles is a favourite! We spend plenty of time around the neighbourhood going for walks and finding new playgrounds to explore but we also enjoy exploring a little further (confederation park and the zoo are two places we visit frequently).

So this week in an attempt to get some of this itch for the outdoors scratched I took the beasts to the zoo with the help of my cousin. We made it just in time for the penguin walk (completely by accident, it would never have happened if we planned it). This was followed by Isaac insisting on seeing the tigers; halfway there he changed his mind and wanted the hippos. We changed direction in attempt to avoid a toddler meltdown but it caused the tiny creature to have baby rage and so a meltdown was inevitable. We eventually got to the hippos and in the way saw the meetkats, these are Zoey’s favourite animal at the zoo so we spent a good half hour running lengths across the exhibit finding every single meerkat. Eventually the giraffes were found and the baby tortoises were admired. Finally the boy got his wish and we made it down to the hippos, he stared lovingly at them through the tiny window for an eternity. The hippos didn’t even move or blink the entire time but he was hypnotized by their exotic beauty and stayed there, completely transfixed for what felt relief a lifetime. Finally after a battle of wills we were allowed to move on to another animal. There were meltdowns from both tiny demons that were strapped into the wagon I pulled behind me. They settled with promises to go see the monkeys, of course we had to stop at the fish first. After a final meltdown in the monkey house we decided to call it a day and leave the zoo. We stopped for a nutritious lunch of cheeseburgers and fries before heading home and attempting nap time.

It was a pretty great day! We were all exhausted but getting outside was worth the battles we had to fight.

#momlife

Daddy is coming home late again. He works endless hours in the pursuit of having enough to leave his kids wanting for nothing, and while it is admirable of him it sometimes leads to us all being more exhausted then we should be. On nights when dad works late it usually means take out for dinner but since that’s been happening more often than not the last few weeks it means mom has to give cooking a try... mr. noodles anyone? No... hmmm maybe cereal for dinner then? Ah ha I know! Mom makes killer pancakes, perfect! Sticky, sweet, syrup covered pancakes it is. Maybe even some fruit and a side of eggs for a little protein!

I actually could not be more pleased with myself for coming up with this somewhat balanced meal! Now I just have to get through the rest of the afternoon with these two crazy beasts that I somehow gave birth too. We spent the morning baking together, colouring pictures, and I even gave in to the constant begging to have nails painted. We had a little iPad time and some form of lunch. Finally the wonderful, blissful, relief of nap time came. Zoey naps like a champ, 2-3 hours every day! Isaac is starting to resist naps, I guess he is at the right age for it. He still goes to his room for about an hour of quiet time and more often then not he does fall asleep. As always nap time came and went so fast I felt like I barely got anything done. Somehow I managed to fold the laundry, load the dishes in the washer, and sit down with a cup of tea for five whole minutes.

Maybe a movie will fill the afternoon void. Not Moana though... I can not watch it again! Ugh, it’s stuck in my head now. Crap. Now I need to watch it so I can at least remember the words to the songs. #momlife

Mary friggen Poppins!

Had a whole day to myself today and decided to treat myself... read I got a pelvic ultrasound done that I was supposed to have done three weeks ago. Anyway the day started as usual with Shane putting his alarm on snooze 300 times, finally his majesty rolled out of bed to spend his usual hour in the bathroom completing his morning preening. As this was going on I actually managed to fall back into a blissful sleep. Not even 5 minutes later there appeared a tiny human in my room. He was sobbing about how his bed was all wet, devastated that he had wet the bed. It was at this very moment that my fairy godmother (the nanny) appeared. She bounded up the stairs, changed Isaac’s sheets, collected the baby, got a load of laundry on, and made breakfast. The entire time I managed to comfort the crying toddler, convince him to change his wet pyjamas for something dry, and dress myself. I swear our nanny is friggen Mary Poppins! I adore her! I hope and pray that she stays forever.

So after the kids were settled and breakfast was done, I folded a load of laundry, vacuumed the stairs, and left the house. I spent a glorious 4 hours shopping, getting an incredibly invasive ultrasound, and eating lunch at a burger joint.

The ultrasound resulted in some very uncomfortable cramping and upon my return home the nanny made me a pot of tea, set up my heating pad in the recliner, and pulled a blanket fresh from the dryer for me. I settled into absolute heaven. It was because of all of this that I managed to tolerate a few hours of Pokémon and hungry hippos with the kids.

Happiest, easiest, most normal day in a really long time!

brain melting mush

The kids have bad colds and are pretty grumpy so it’s meant a lot of movies and tv. I try to be a good, creative mama and limit the screen time a bit; at the very list I attempt to encourage some educational shows. After a million episodes of superwhy, Daniel Tiger, and Baby Bum, I gave into the pathetic pleas for paw patrol. This torture was short lived and we quickly turned to the nonsense that is Rabbid Invasion. After a few episodes of the sheer stupidity I decided the adult cartoons of Family Guy and Bob’s Burgers couldn’t be that much worse. Now we’ve watched a few episodes and while Isaac prefers “burgers show”, Zoey is more of a “puppy; baby” fan. I think I’ve accidentally taught them how to plot my demise.

For those of you that don’t watch such nonsense and haven’t seen a kid’s television program in years I promise I am not having a stroke; these are all real things.

#momlife #blessed #toddlerlife #badmoms #momfail #momwin #sickday
#brainmelting #kidsshows #familyguy #bobsburgers #danieltiger #pawpatrol #somebodysaveme