People ask me how they can help. They tell me just to call if I need anything. The truth is I am not going to ever call someone up and ask for the things I need. Maybe some people would be able to muster the guts to do that but I don’t have it in me. So here, this is what I need. I need someone to send in a fairy godmother who will make my house spotless, have the toys organized, and sort through all the unpacked boxes in the basement. I need a feeezer full of good, healthy, hearty, home cooked meals that I didn’t have to make and that my children would enjoy. I need a millionaire to send money to pay for the bills that are piling up and the medical expenses that won’t quit. I need someone to watch my kids, so I can breathe, sleep, shower, eat a hot meal, take care of myself. I need to not worry about my kids the second they are out of sight. I need my son to get better. I need the fight for funding to be over. I need my leave to not be over in 5 short months. I need to not have to shove a tube in my kids nose so he gets enough nutrients to survive each day. I need to not have a different appointment (sometimes multiple appointments) each day. I need to not feel like I am drowning.
It’s been a hard day and I’m feeling sorry for myself but it doesn’t erase any of what I said. I wish I could just go to bed and sleep for a few days or take a vacation for a while but I have to keep going, keep fighting, keep swimming. I have to do it. My babies need me and no one can take care of them how I can.
