The search for the toddler holy grail

We had an appointment at the Children’s Hospital yesterday and since we are currently without a nanny I had the great pleasure (torturous task) of bringing both children. Our appointment was at the crack of dawn, 10am, we live in the city now so I thought if we got up by 8am we should be fine. I set my alarms and dozed off to what I was hoping would be a solid 8hr sleep. I know it was wishful thinking but I was being optimistic. 5am and the dog started going crazy, he was barking like a maniac and completely losing his shit. We tried everything to silence the beast but it was a complete waste of energy. He continued to growl and bark for the entire day into the evening because the people across the alley are having their shingles redone and clearly the roofers are a big danger to us. Anyway despite the intermittent barking the children remained asleep and I tried in vain to go back to sleep myself. I laid in bed clenching my eyes shut with pillows over my head and prayed sleep would fine me again. Just as I miraculously managed to doze off... Shane’s alarm started beeping. He is a snoozer, after the third snooze I told him he had better either turn off the alarm or get up otherwise I was going to Gone Girl him. I again attempted to find my dream world but the dog started puking all over the carpet. Finally I gave up and decided to start the day. I scrubbed the carpets and managed to pack the diaper bag before the kids woke up, of course at this point it was already 915am. I dressed the kids and threw some fruit bars at them. “Mommy something smells disgusting.” My adoring three year old lovingly informed me. I realized it was me, I smelled like dog puke. No time to shower so a quick once over with wet wipes and a clean bra/tshirt was the best I could do. We pulled in to the hospital only 13 minutes late. The appointment went well and the kids acted mostly human so when Isaac asked for chips I agreed. We got to the vending machine picked the chips we wanted and... I discovered my wallet was missing. I had left it at home in my work bag. Somehow we managed to avoid complete meltdowns and drove home to retrieve the wallet, I wasn’t off the hook though those chips were apparently essential to our continued existence here on earth. We drove to the store and scoured the aisles looking for the holy grail, sun chips. They didn’t have them and thankfully the children agreed to settle for Doritos. Apparently this particular store only carries full size bags and of course the tiny humans could not share a bag as they would risk contamination from each other. The meltdowns had begun right there in the chip aisle at the mere suggestion of sharing. I had no fight left so I bought them each a giant bag of chips and opened them right there in the store. I stuffed the kids in their carseats and all was finally silent except for the happiest toddler giggles and sound of chips being blissfully consumed in the back seat.