Blindsided

I wanted to write about this earlier but the words just wouldn’t come. It was too fresh and every time I started a post the lump in my throat would get harder to swallow, the tears would prick the corners of my eyes, my stomach would sink, and my heart would break just a little more.

I’ve been really open about Isaac’s diagnoses and continuing struggle to find a way to control his epilepsy. I’ve never hidden my struggle with postpartum depression and anxiety. I’m a sharer, I tell people things they probably don’t want to hear about. I don’t keep things to myself, good or bad. It is a coping mechanism for me.

I needed to start this post with those words because I feel like what I am about to share is unbelievable. I do not share this for sympathy or attention. I’m sharing it because saying the words out loud let’s me feel them. It makes things real and it allows me to find a way to start managing, to keep going, to be strong.

Most people know Zoey was born a little early and had some health issues in the beginning. She was what is classified as late preterm. It means that while she was early she was almost term. Her prematurity should not have caused her to have any delays. We did expect some gross motor delays because of her hip dysplasia , being in a brace that makes it impossible to move your legs for six months would definitely cause this.

Zoey has been followed by a paediatrician since birth and we had an appointment with her this week. We knew she had caught up on all her gross motor skills and at our last visit we discussed a very mild speech delay. I honestly thought that Zoey was doing really well, I knew her speech was still a bit behind but I thought it was probably just a second child thing. I knew that she often had tantrums but I thought that was probably due to the fact that she was jealous of the attention her brother had been getting. I was wrong.

Zoey’s paediatrician noticed some fine motor delays and that her speech is much further behind than we thought. The doctor also had the pleasure of witnessing one of Zoey’s trademark tantrums. Toddlers are known for having epic meltdowns over tiny things and throwing tantrums over nothing but what is concerning when it comes to Zoey is that she is not able to be distracted during a tantrum nor can she be consoled. After a thorough discussion of the number and degree of tantrums Zoey has in a day we delved deeper into the speech issue.

Zoey’s paediatrician believes that the issue with Zoey’s speech is more serious than a simple delay, she believes Zoey has something called apraxia. Apraxia is a motor speech disorder where the brain does not allow a message to get to the mouth. So basically Zoey is capable of understanding us and she knows what she wants to say but the words don’t come out properly. It is causing her great frustration as it is hindering our communication with her.

All of this along with some fine motor delays has led the paediatrician to believe Zoey needs some intervention. We will be starting speech therapy and having someone come to help us manage her behavioural issues. To be clear Zoey has not at this time been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder however, the her paediatrician is considering this as a strong possibility.