I'm having a tough day. I feel anxious, depressed, and scared. I am moody and my body is literally aching all over. I knew this was coming. I knew this week would be really hard for me.
We had Isaac's eeg yesterday and waiting for the results is so hard. The nurse we usually talk with was on holidays for the last two weeks and while I realize that of course she is entitled to vacation (and probably desperately needs on after dealing with crazy, overbearing parents like me), it felt like I had been set a drift without a paddle. Before she left she did touch base with us and leave a few numbers in case we needed someone. She also promised to review Isaac's eeg with the neurologist and phone us with the results the next day. Ya that hasn't happened. She is done work in one hour and I haven't heard from her. I did call and leave a voicemail reminding her (and maybe called a million more times but hung up when I got the voicemail.) In the mean time I am desperately trying to find ways to distract myself.
This morning the kids slept in late, Zoey until 930 and Isaac until 10. This wasn't surprising to me, especially for Isaac since we had to sleep deprive him for the eeg. The phone rang around 9 and I lunged for it hoping it might be the neurology clinic. It wasn't. Although that was a slight disappointment, I was thrilled to hear my cousins voice on the other side. She is one of my very best friends and although she moved recently we try to keep in touch often. We spent hours on the phone catching up. The conversation went as most do when tiny children are involved on both ends. We talked to each other over the conversation of little kids (Isaac wanted to know all about the toys at Ollie's house and Ollie was desperately trying to convince Isaac to come over.) It was fantastic and therapeutic and I loved every minute of it. Once we realized it was nearly noon we decided to go our separate ways and get on with our days.
I had spent a lot of the conversation gathering supplies to take the kids to the library and run some errands. After consuming an inhumane number of fruit bars, goldfish, juice boxes and yogurt tubes my monkeys were ready to jump in the car. It only took me about six trips to gather them and all their crap into the vehicle before I pulled out of the garage.
As soon as I got on the highway and experienced the wind gusting so strongly we were almost blown off the road I regretted my decision. I didn't turn back though, the kids would have been devastated and the tears would have been endless. So I white knuckled it and made the drive.
The library was nice, the minions actually went and played independently for a whole 30 minutes! I sat in a chair and was left alone to peruse a few new crochet books I found. Things were really peaceful until another kid dared to think they might be able to play with some of the library toys. All of the sudden there were tiny fists flying and tears rolling down many chubby cheeks. I decided to simply remove my little monsters and get them involved in picking some new books. We came home with three bags worth of movies, cds, and books.
Once home I put the kids down for naps and thought I might do some homework. I sat down at the table opened the computer and stared at the screen for 10 minutes before I realized my own tears were soaking the keypad.
This day is hard, tomorrow might be too. Yesterday sucked. This whole week might blow. Things will turn around. Until then I shall drown my sorrows in copious amounts of carbohydrates and the world of netflix. I can totally manage to finish two papers and pack an entire house for a move in the next 13 days, right?
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